I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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