its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
