hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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