Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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