hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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