Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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