the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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