well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
