Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
