Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
