We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
