I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
