If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
