I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
