We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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