Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize