Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you made out with another girl for some wings
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
