My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
