I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
