well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
