You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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