just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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