Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
