Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize