Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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