He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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