Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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