Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
