I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
