He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
