it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
