A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
