You made me cry and you don't even care
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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