It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
