so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
