I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
