i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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