what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i already hear my dad disowning me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
