Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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