he puts the penis in happiness.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
