I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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