I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
