My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize