She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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