God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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