drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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