M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
