omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
