margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize