You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
