We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
