tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
