There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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