so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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