I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
