I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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