If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This house was built for laser tag.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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