she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize