I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
