before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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