Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
