You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
