Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
