Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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