I'm going to jail i love you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
