I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
