It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
