I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
