made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize