Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
