Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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