obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
