Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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