So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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